A man man walks past a music bar that has a sign in the window:
“Piano Player Wanted.”
He grabs the sign, walks in and says to the manager, “I play the piano. I’d like to have the job.”
The manager says, “Well, let’s hear you play first.”
“Ok, can I have a pint first, it calms me and helps me play better.” He asked.
So the manager obliged and gave him a drink.
The man sits down and plays the most beautiful tune the manager has ever heard, he is crying for joy at the beauty of it.
“That is wonderful!” he exclaims. “but I’ve never heard it before. I must know what it’s called!”
“Well,” the man says, “it’s an original tune. I wrote it myself. It’s called
“The eat my dog’s shit and kiss my arse overture.”
“Oh!!!” says the manager taken somewhat aback. “Well, do you know any others?”
“Sure!” says the man, and begins to play a tune even more beautiful than the first one.
The manager is once again beside himself with emotion, swept away even more than he was by the first one!
“Oh my God!” he shouts. “Never have I seen such artistry! And again, one I’ve never heard! I must know the name of this beautiful composition!”
The man says, “Thank you. It’s another original tune that I wrote myself. It’s called
“The Suck my balls, shag a Goat and Tell me That you Love me Waltz, in D Minor.'”
The manager thinks for a moment and says, “Look, I like the way you play and absolutely love your music writing….I’m going to hire you. But only on one condition: don’t ever tell my customers the names of the music that you’re playing.”
He agrees, as long as he gets free drinks all night…..
That night he arrives already drunk and starts to play.
The crowd is stunned by his mastery of the piano and the beauty of his compositions. He gets a standing ovation at the end of each one of his playings.
After an hour and a half of playing and drinking he announces “Ladies and Gentlemen, I”m going to take a short break now. Please stay and enjoy a drink, I’ll be back to play again in fifteen minutes.”
He staggered into the toilets.
After about 30 minutes the manager, worried about the audience getting restless goes in to get him. He bangs on the cubicle door and shouts him and eventually he comes out in a right state, the manager says angrily “do you know your cock’s hanging out and you’ve got shit all down your legs?”
He says, “KNOW IT?….I FUKIN’ WROTE IT!”
